Today, is how I feel like this...

Christmas is over now, and I'm at home...I have this nasty feeling in my heart, and I can't exactly describe how it feels...  I know that I love him, I know that I wish I could share with him the same things we use to, like when we use to do things together like cooking; we would hug and kiss or laugh about silly stuff that we do... we would work together. Now the space between almost feelds empty. And I don't want to share it no more...
I can't look at him in the face, he's changing into something he is not...and he doesn't see it...
I'm losing him it feels...And I'm scared of the unknown. And I feel tired...I feel like ...Gee I don't know anymore...
And worse Knowing that the someone else he's interested in hides things from him, makes me uneasy. But at times I don't care, because he treats me unfairly. For 6 months, I've been here showig my care and appreciation for him, for him to see that I love him and that I would move sea and mountains for him. But no, I guess it's just not enough? I don't know what stops him. I don't dare to think that I'm not good enough because I'm a great person, I make a great girlfriend and he is blind to see this if he hasn't figured it out yet...I;m here waiting to BE what he wants and needs for the rest of his life...But I can't sit here and wait for that day to happen. All I can do, is let him know how I feel. I will not give up. My life goes on, right? I keep busy, focusing on new people in my life, like michael and Georgia, and a few others... My best friend has been a great support system, And Georiga has had to hear all the cries and hurt...even michael... I can't thank all those who have enough... <3  Hopefully, this whole dating thing doesn't overwhelm me, I mean, it's a lot t deal with at times... different personalities... If I could make a choice, It would be my Gorgeous diamond <3

And so the new chapter in my book with: Me enduring, embracing and enjoying, and having the best revenge there is...Living WELL... 

Angel, at last..

My beautiful angel stand infront of me. With eyes that kill. The smile which makes my spirit jump in excultation. How could I have been so blind to such gorgeous being.
Why did i  not met my angel before? My angle caress my cheek with the care I deserve.
This angel, whispers life into my ear and it makes me whole again. Just by breathing,
 it does so...Forgive me for loving you, But you are all I ever need. I need my angel now, tomorrow, and forver. By my side and inside my heart. The angle shall never leave. For I would never be the same. This angel has become my better half and my tommrow.

Could this angel be the one?

Night Before Tomorrow

Walking around this place by myself
I find myself alone, and lost.
Once again, I've got this feeling in my gut
That says: " Let go."

But why is it that I find it so hard to do so?
Why am I so scared todo so?
Why is it that I love him so much?
Why can't I move on?

If I only knew the answers to the madness!
He seems not in to the space him and I are sharing.
He seems to be focused on his phone more than he is in me.
Is it that important?

Why do I feel replaced?
Could this be the end?
I want tonight to end,
For tomorrow to not come.

I don't know what I want
Forgive me, for my feelings
For I feel ashamed and drowning in guilt
I want tonight to end,
For tomorrow to not come...

Carousel by Laura Izbor

Cause she was his lover
she was his friend
he was her everything
someone to depend

When she wakes up in the mornin'
and all his things are gone
she looks into the mirror
thinkin' what did i do wrong

There he goes
but i gotta keep movin'
there ain't nothing to lose for ?

Everyday has its ups and downs
you think you're lost
you will be found
most of us want the same old things
someone to love
what it brings
i know its hard it gets tough sometimes
you gotta hold on, like a carousel
going around & around & around & around

she was so young
but she was in love
he promised her everything
that she could dream of

when she wakes up in the mornin'
finds that he ain't there
she looks into the mirror
thinking how did i get here

there he goes
but i gotta keep movin'
there aint nothin' to lose for ?

Everyday has its ups and downs
you think you're lost
you will be found
most of us want the same old things
someone to love
what it brings
i know its hard it gets tough sometimes
you gotta hold on, like a carousel
going around & around & around & around

Yeahhhhhh

Everyday has its ups and downs
you think you're lost
you will be found
most of us want the same old things
someone to love
what it brings
i know its hard it gets tough sometimes
you gotta hold on, like a carousel
going around & around & around & around

Feelings Could Be Empty...

(I usually don't use bad language in my writing, but this is my way of expressing my heart).

All I can say is fuck it all, because there's nothing I can do to fix your broken heart.
Fuck it all, for feeling lost and most of all- unworthy.
Unworthy to love you right.
Unworthy to give up my pride and fears, for you.
Now you don't feel me.
You should see me now...

Look back at all the special moments we've had, together.
Did you ever took the time to realize how much I really do love you?
My candle is just, burning.
The flame is dying, babe, is dying.
How else can I make you understand this beating in my heart.
This beating that since the day I saw you for the first time hasn't gone away.

But you are still here, apart from your broken heart.
You still want me. Why, me? What the hell is it about me that you can't live without?
Fucking, explain to me why is it that I try my hardest to show you my love for you;
When your love comes so effortlessly.

Anytime I feel overwhelmed I just want to run away.
Oh so far away. Away from you, away from anything thay may hurt me.
And I can't even walk away from you when you make me feel not good enough.
Fuck you.

All the things I've been wanting have been layed out infront of me.
My path is up to me. My choices will cost me pain and dissapointment.
But you know what? I think I'll be just fine.

If you want me, come and get me.
Because I am fucking tired.
Show me that you love me, and I'll care.
Tell me what the fuck is it that you want
Because what I want is right infront of me, you.

I just want to be able to catch someone as they fall.
I want to be someone's light.
Someone's happiness.
Someone's galway girl...
I want to be the trust, loyalty, and commitment they'll never fnd anywhere else.
I want to be someone's sweetheart.
I want to be someone's love.
I want to be someone's wife.
I want to be someone's mother.
I want to be someone's best friend.
All I want is to be someone's home....

Do you still want me now?...of course not, because you know
You won't ever give me all those things in order for me to be happy.
The end.


(for anyone who read this-forgive me).

~Photography~

My personal favorite

Smile for me...

How my life seems to pass me by.

Murder, she wrote, darling.

Colorado grounds

With you, that's where I want to go...



Tonight: Your Blanket of Comfort

Tonight, I have sinned.
I cry as I lay on my bed.
The night's humidity wraps in my lonesome night.
The guilt I feel is, oh, so overwhelming.
There are no arms holding me tonight.
There are no hands wiping away my tears tonight.
Not tonight.
But I know you can hear my cry.
I know you know what I did wrong.
But something keeps telling me-
"It's okay, my angel"
Suddenly I feel your blanket of comfort being wrapped around me.
My night has faded away with no regrets.
Because underneath it all, it was meant to be.
It was bound to happen, tonight.
And it created my deeper bond that no one could break.
I feel your spirit in my heart. And that's how I know-
That you still love me, my sweet Lord.

Give me Reason

Give me a reason why not to show my love for you.
Give me a reason why I can not tell the whole world about how much I am in love with you.
Give me a reason why I can not spend my life with you 'till the end of time.
Give me a reason why I must be kept in the dark and not be able to bloom by your side.
Give me a reason why after everything I have done worng, you are still here?
Give me a reason why you are still here?
Give me a reason, please?

Give me a reason why is it that your heart beats rapidly as we hug goodbye.
Give me a reason that answers my doubts and fears.
Give me a reason, please?
Give me a reason why you are... still here?

Deeper Bond

After all this time
It has happened.

Underneath all the pain,
It feels amazing to love you.

Like you said- " This means beyond my belief"
I feel the same way, love.

And nothing has ever felt so right
Than the bond you and I share.

Question

Little did I know

That I could have a middle ground

Seems like I do now.

When we go our separate ways

It is as if you take half of my self with you.

But you always return me back home.

How come we didn't see this before?

And why does it have to be this way?

The answers are just the mistakes and knowledge

We have made in the past.

Rather to say the answer are our consequences, love.